What Every Father-To-Be-Again Should Know...

In the summer of 2010 I started feeling like it was time to add another little bundle of joy into our family. Joe and I discussed this and prayed about it. I went off the birth control and a an hour later I was pregnant. (My high school health teacher Ms. Searle wasn't kidding when she said, "All it takes is once.")


Soon after the pregnancy test came back positive doubt and fear set in. I was working two jobs at the time so that we could pay for Joe's school, pay off some debt and save for a house. On top of that I was baby sitting my two-year-old niece Sophie 24 hours a week. We were living in a basement apartment and didn't have hardly any room for storage. I was ALWAYS tired. I felt guilty that I was too tired to give Nora all of the attention she was used to. In fact being pregnant with a second child was much more exhausting then the first because I was constantly chasing after a toddler, if not two toddlers when I was watching Sophie.

Me with Nora and Sophie at Tracy Aviary.

I started to question, "Are we really doing the right thing?" and then thinking "What have we gotten ourselves into? I can't even handle the one I've got!" I couldn't fathom the thought of leaving another little baby with a sitter while I went back to work.  I would fantasize about the days before Nora, when my husband and I could just take off and go see a movie, enjoy a meal in a restaurant without having to find a sitter or deal with a cranky kiddo and I would dream of the days when we could take off for a weekend get-a-way. Now we were prolonging the "us time" even longer.


I felt worried sick about how Nora was going to react. She was the center of our world and I worried about her feelings.  I was experiencing so much anxiety that we decided not to tell our family members until after our 20 week ultrasound. I wanted to make sure that baby was healthy because if he wasn't healthy I didn't want to add to my anxiety by having others feeling sorry for us and bombarding us with a ton of questions.


The day of the ultrasound was one of the best days of my life. All of my anxiety melted away as the Ultrasound Tech showed us this alien looking baby on the monitor, and we heard his little heart beat. She pointed out his tiny hands and feet, she counted all of his little fingers and toes. When she showed us that he was a boy, I watched my husband's face light up. I knew that this little guy was meant to be a part of our family. I had a strong feeling that everything would work out. I was filled with so much love for this tiny person and I hadn't even met him yet. I couldn't wait to hold him in my arms and kiss his soft little head.

Ryan profile

tiny feet

Ryan the Alien Mud Baby!

Ryan 1 day old.

A few days ago my brother-in-law, Jeff, his wife Casey, and their 3-year-old Alexa came over for a visit.  One of the cutest families ever! As they were leaving I asked Casey if she was hanging in there. Casey is about 4 months pregnant and a CNA in an extended care facility a job that can be physically taxing. She said that she was pretty tired and mentioned that she was taking some extra days off work. She also mentioned that she had been trying to explain to Jeff how exhausting it is to be pregnant, that she is building a tiny human being inside of her and it takes a lot of energy. (I feel like I should mention that Jeff wasn't criticizing Casey in any way for being tired. I suppose he was just wondering.  In fact Jeff is an exemplary husband and father and Alexa has him wrapped around her extra cute little finger.)

Jeff, Alexa and Casey

It might be impossible to explain to someone who has never been pregnant how exhausting pregnancy is, especially with the second, third or fourth baby. But a little sympathy and extra work can help your wife be a happier less stressed person.  As your wife continues to put on extra weight and is filled with raging hormones, the Father-To-Be-Again should tack the following onto his to-do-list:

1. Take the older child or children off of mom's hands whenever possible. It is important that she gets the rest she needs.
2. Run errands; for me riding in the car would trigger nausea and vomiting. So when Joe would go to the grocery store or the bank for me it was a really good thing. You can also combine number 1 above by taking the older child/children with you so that the wife can take a much needed nap.
3. Cook or order out. Another thing that would trigger my nausea and vomiting was cooking and dishes. So it's nice when father-to-be orders out or takes over dinners for awhile. It's also an added bonus when he does the clean up. Not leaving dirty dishes with disgusting stuck on ketchup in the sink for 3 days that helps too.
4. Baths; As your wife's belly gets bigger, it's harder to bend over and maybe even painful to give toddlers baths. Dad's can help out with baths more easily then big pregnant moms.
5. DON'T COMPLAIN; This is the most important. Your wife is not being lazy, she is making an actual person. Raging hormones and the stress of adding another little one to your family can be very stressful so complaining about the extra choirs will make an already exhausted wife feel guilty. 

I know that I worry too much. I wish that I would have just enjoyed being pregnant with Ryan instead of being so stressed out. Everyone says that it all works out in the end and so far it has. I can't imagine life without little Ryan. Everyday I thank my Heavenly Father for my husband and my two beautiful kiddos!